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VCB eNews, Vol 12, #7 - Cyclist's Letter To Santa

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In this Edition

-  Editorial: Cyclist’s Letter to Santa

-  News Flash from the Christmas Cycling Elf

-  Loose Chain Links

-  Bike Buy and Sell

-  About That Funny 


“As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly

When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.
— Clement Clarke Moore, Twas the Night Before Christmas





Dear Santa: 


First of all, I want to assure you that I have been a good cyclist this year. Vic was lying when he said he saw me going the wrong way up the sidewalk that morning. He’s watched Premium Rush too many times. Or maybe that was me. Anyway – I have been pretty good, and I hope you can stop by and leave some gifts under my bike on Christmas Eve. 


I think I would like some lights for my bike this year, I don’t think I am visible enough. I’d like a light for the front, and a light for the back, and a spare light for the front and two spares for the back and one for my jacket and flashers for the rims and maybe one for my helmet. If I get run off the road, somebody will see the lights and find me in the ditch. 


 I’d like some spare tubes, too, one for my comfort bike seat bag and one for my touring bike panniers and a couple in my mountain bike repair kit and one to keep stuffed in the back pocket of my jersey. I’ll be sure to always have one, even though with my luck whatever tube I have along won’t fit the bicycle I’m riding. Even so, I can use the tube as a slingshot to kill small animals to eat while I wait for someone to pick me up from whatever remote place to which I’ve ridden.


 And maybe I should have an emergency kit for my mountain bike, with a multi-tool and some wrenches so when my bike has broken down on an isolated trail I have something to play with while I download the uTube video on my smartphone on how to make an SOS signal visible to passing aircraft. While you’re at it, put a bottomless bag of jellybeans in there. You never know when you might need one. 


And one last thing, Santa: I think I need another bicycle. I have a fast bicycle, and a slow bicycle, a summer bicycle and a winter bicycle, but I think I need a city bicycle. Just in case I ever move to a city. I saw one at the cycling summit, they are very pretty and have leather handlebar grips, and a red one would match my favourite sandals perfectly. I know there is no more room in my basement, and the touring bike is taking up too much of the front hallway, and I once temporarily lost one of my children among the spare bicycle tires, but I really want this bike, Santa. You can leave it right by the back door, where I can ride away as dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly . . . oh, wait: that’s about you. Anyway, I think that’s enough for this year, have a good trip around the world Christmas Eve, and remember: wear wool socks! 


Love, Shelley.








Okay..... so who was the weather Grinch this time?


When you plan to have a ride, you never really can know for sure in advance what the weather will bring.  This is especially true for late fall/winter riding. One minute the weather reports indicate fair weather and the next time you check it can be foul.  So one never really knows what Mother Nature will dish out.  Last year the Tour the Lights of Carmichael drive was at the mercy of Old Man Winter...twice!  I have to admit that I am still traumatized from last winter - the winter that seemed never ending.  Even the Easter Bunny was heard to say, “Your season is over, pal!  It’s my turn! Now scram!” Old Man Winter had difficulty letting go. 


Thankfully, we haven’t experienced hints of last winter. Instead, on Saturday it rained . . . and it rained some more.  My bike was decorated with Christmas lights and was looking pretty festive. However, it wasn’t looking promising for the 3rd Annual Tour the Lights of Carmichael Drive. I received some cancellations by folks who had planned to ride, but due to conditions decided to make other plans.  I have to admit that I was disappointed that the Tour the Lights might not happen this year.  I really enjoy viewing the seasonal lights by bike.   It’s such a unique experience!  


Fortunately, the rained slowed to a light mist and the temps were warm.  I started to get myself dressed in layers, thinking that I would be doing this ride on my own.  I was pleasantly surprised to find another club member who showed up.  We might have been small in number, but we shared a great time ogling the lights and chatting along the way.  The lights this year were wonderful.  If you haven’t seen them and you enjoy looking at the lights, I’d recommend them highly.  Here are some of my pics of “Tour the lights of Carmichael Drive”  Dec 14, 2014.





Always a highlight of the ride, this house is beautifully decorated and festive.










Cheryl Berube enjoying the Christmas lights by bicycle.






All photos by Shelley Johnson.  

Merry Christmas all and sincere wishes for a Happy New Year!


Shelley Johnson Ride Leader





Superstar bicycle:


If you still don’t know what to get that special cyclist in your life:


I need to get some reflective yarn:


Best Christmas present ever for cyclists in Westmount and Coxheath!









It had been a quiet night at the local bar so far, but then the door was thrown open and an Interstate highway strode in.

“I’m an Interstate highway,” he declared. “I stretch from coast to coast and have at least four lanes, shoulders, and a median almost my entire length. I have the highest speed limit of any highway. I’m the best of the highways, and I’m afraid of no highway and no road.”

He then strode up to the bar, ordered a beer, and began drinking it, while looking around.

A short time later, a four-lane highway came in, went to the end of the bar, and ordered a beer.

The Interstate looked him over and walked over to him. “I’m an Interstate highway,” he declared. “I stretch from coast to coast and have at least four lanes, shoulders, and a median almost my entire length. I have the highest speed limit of any highway. I’m the best of the highways, and I’m not afraid of you.”

The four-lane highway said, “I agree that you’re the best. I don’t want any trouble with you. Let me buy you a beer,” and he did. They drank their beers and discussed their engineering specifications.

After a half hour, the door opened again and a two-lane road came in, went to the other end of the bar, and ordered a beer.

The Interstate looked him over and told the four-lane highway that he had to take care of the new arrival. He walked over to the two-lane road and said, “I’m an Interstate highway. I stretch from coast to coast and have at least four lanes, shoulders, and a median almost my entire length. I have the highest speed limit of any highway. I’m the best of the highways, and I’m not afraid of you.”

The two-lane road quivered a bit and said, “You’re absolutely right. You are the best of the highways. I’m just a lowly two-lane road. I don’t want any trouble. Can I buy beers for you and the four-lane highway?”

The Interstate motioned the four-lane highway to come over, the two-lane road bought beers for each of them, and the three of them drank their beers and discussed the merits of various paving materials.

After another half hour, the door opened again and a strip of asphalt about eight feet wide came in. The Interstate highway ducked behind the bar and hid there quivering quietly.

The bartender was shocked.

After serving the asphalt strip, he walked over to where the Interstate was hiding. “I watched you stand up to the four-lane highway and the two-lane road. You said you weren’t afraid of any highway or road. Why are you hiding from that little asphalt strip?”

The Interstate replied quietly, “It’s true that I’m not afraid of any highway or road, but he’s a cycle path.”

This transportation funny for you courtesy of the Team Estrogen round-up of bike jokes.







Regular articles, including Loose Chain Links:

Word document or compatible, 12 pt Times New Roman. Please have submissions for the current edition submitted by the Monday prior.


Ads for Bike Buy & Sell: Word document or compatible, 12 pt, Times New Roman, submitted by the Monday prior. Ads will run for 3 weeks. Please inform the editor if the item is sold before that term is up. If the item doesn’t sell, you may re-submit your ad.  


Photos: high resolution (photos taken with a phone are usually too low, but there may be exceptions); please name all the people in the photo, and give the event, date, and location.







Shelley Porter,  

Editor, Velo Cape Breton eNewsletter

VCB Cycling Ambassador.

December 18th, 2014

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